Even Spectres Can Be Haunted
by RoguesKnight
Summary: ME2: Just after the mission on Horizon, Shepard struggles to make peace with how things have changed in the two years since his death. Fortunately, he has his friends to help him.


Even Spectres Can Be Haunted

Author: Roguesknight

Rating: T/M (ish?) Drinking/language.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns pretty much all. I'm just playing with it; really, if I was the owner…well the less said about the ending of ME3, the better I say. Damn the feels….Without giving too much away, any other easily recognizable dialog belongs to Mr. William Goldman.

Author's note: I had been dealing with some writer's block from the depths of hell, preventing me from getting more work done on my Kim Possible series. I fully intended to force my way through it over the holidays, as I had taken off some time from work….and then my mother bought me the Mass Effect Trilogy for Christmas…and there went my free time. This little plot bunny showed up shortly thereafter, and demanded to be written. Bright side, I'm over the writer's block and can get back to work on Kim Possible.

Dedicated, as always, to my lovely reviewers and my wonderful wife who puts up with me for no discernable reason.

The shuttle ride back from Horizon was, thankfully, quiet. Garrus, picking up on his old friend's rapidly darkening mood, simply leaned back against the cushioned wall of the bulkhead, though his eyes held the questions he clearly wanted to give voice to. Even Jack, apparently, could occasionally recognize when discretion was the better part of valor; mimicking Garrus' relaxed posture, her eyes darted everywhere that wasn't presently occupied by Commander Robert Shepard's form.

The recently resurrected man dropped his helmeted head into his hands and closed his eyes behind its crimson visor, just barely biting back a sigh as he did so. He was all too aware of that old military saw about plans never surviving first contact with the enemy; he'd admit however, if only to himself, that they were woefully underprepared to face an enemy like the Collectors. They were outgunned, outnumbered, an worse, still had no damn clue what the overgrown insects wanted with the colonists they'd abducted. That his squad had managed to save half the colony was small consolation, especially when he wasn't positive that it was anything they'd actually done to drive the Collectors off, and not that they'd simply decided that they had enough colonists for whatever their plan entailed. The colony's defensive cannon hadn't seemed to do a hell of a lot to the Collector's ship; he could only hope that once they'd analyzed the data, a weakness could be found…preferably one that they could exploit before any more colonies got hit.

And then, there was Ash. From the moment the Illusive Man had informed him that Ashley Williams had been confirmed to be on Horizon, he had half-hoped and half-dreaded running into her again. He'd kept his eyes open as they'd fought their way through the colony, doing his best to remind himself that the mission had to come first, for everyone's sake. He'd held out hope that she was safe somewhere when they didn't find her frozen in stasis like the colonists they'd stumbled, once literally in Jack's case, over. When the Collector's ship had blasted off, he'd feared the worst; that he'd failed her and she was going to pay the price for that failure. The smoldering rage he'd felt ever since he'd learned of the abductions had sparked to an open flame, and he'd been sorely tempted to punch Dylan when the mechanic started ranting at him for not being able to save everyone. Truth be told, it still seemed like a good idea; after all, it wasn't as though the man's opinion of him could get any lower.

The only thing that had stopped him from acting on the impulse was Ash's sudden appearance. She'd greeted him with a hug, and for the briefest of moments, he'd felt truly alive for the first time since Cerberus had hauled him back to the land of the living. She was as lovely as the last time he'd seen her; tangled in the bedsheets and drooling on her pillow in his cabin, the morning the Collectors blew the original Normandy to hell. Of course, all good things must come to an end, and after what he was sure had to be the record for the shortest hug in human history, she'd laid into him about working for Cerberus. As she accused him of betraying the Alliance, her dark eyes; eyes that haunted his dreams even before he fully awoke in the Lazarus project's lab, were filled with pain and anger, clearly saying that _he'd betrayed her_.

Neither he, nor Garrus, had been able to convince her that things were more complicated than she knew, and she'd left to report back to her superiors, but not before landing a shot that slipped beneath his shields to do more damage than any of the Collector's energy weapons had been able to. _"I LOVED YOU."_ The words rattled around in his head unceasingly, emphasizing her use of the past tense. They had only been together for a few months prior to the attack, mostly stolen moments in the dead of night, out of an abundance of caution, given her concerns over the regulations against fraternization. He hadn't thought they were anywhere near actually using the "L" word with each other, though every day had brought them closer to it and then he'd died. To learn now she'd clearly felt the same for him left him stunned, so much so in fact, that he'd missed the fact they had docked aboard the Normandy SR2 until he was pulled from his thoughts by a shout.

"Robert, Middle Name Classified, Shepard, if you do not snap out of it this minute, I will not be held responsible for what happens!" Garrus intoned as menacingly as possible, his hands resting on his hips as he fixed the Commander with a stern glare…for all of the five seconds it took for Shepard's head to snap up, before he broke down laughing, " Oh, damn. That still hurts, but it was totally worth it." He wheezed.

"My middle name is not classified," Robert countered lamely, fixing a mock glare of his own at the Turian. "I take it we're docked?"

"About five minutes now." Garrus confirmed, "We'd have gotten out by now, but we were worried." There was a rather indelicate snort from Jack at that, " Ok, I was worried."

Standing slowly, Robert shook his head, "Sorry, just thinking."

Garrus nodded in understanding, placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder and giving it a quick, supportive squeeze as the group exited the shuttle and headed for the elevator. "I'm just glad that got your attention Shep," his mandibles twitching in the turian equivalent of a smirk, "I was out of ideas and…well, I wasn't exactly sold on Jack's Plan B."

Shepard turned slightly to regard the ex-convict following a couple of paces behind. "If plan B involved you flashing me, I appreciate the thought, but it wouldn't have worked. It's not like you're all that covered up to begin with." Garrus stilled beside his friend, his eyes widening at the comment, and wondering if the mission had unhinged him to the point of actual suicidality. He released the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding when Jack's reply came in the form of an eye roll and raised middle fingers.

"You couldn't handle me, Commander," She mock saluted, middle fingers still raised, and her lips pulled ever so slightly upwards; the closest to a genuine smile that either man had seen from her so far. "Plan B was that I bounce your head off the bulkhead until you either snapped out of whatever stupor you were in, or it knocked you the fuck out, and then we'd get the doc to take care of you." She paused, "What? It's not like you aren't wearing a helmet." With that, she strode past the two and into the elevator.

"Garrus?" Robert asked as he started into motion again.

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Did you know she even knew the word stupor? Let alone how to use it correctly in a sentence?" He reached up and pulled off his helmet before shooting an unrepentant grin at Jack as she waited in the elevator, finger on the open door button and doing her best to ignore them. He counted the fact that she hadn't thrown him across the hangar bay for the comment to be a sign of progress. He tucked the helmet under his right arm and entered the elevator.

The turian sighed and shook his head as they entered the elevator and it began its glacial rise to the crew deck. "You know, Shepard, you really ought to see Chambers about this suicidal streak you've picked up recently."

Shepard stroked his chin in thought for a moment, the stubble around the scar tissue pricking against his skin, and made a mental note to shave later, before replying. "You think this is a recent thing?" He smirked, ticking points off on the fingers of his free hand, "Actually agreeing to being the first human Spectre…and dealing with all the political bullshit that came with it, hanging up on the Council repeatedly…"

"You're shitting me!" Jack interrupted, holding up a hand, interested in spite of herself, "Boy scout, you're telling me that you actually hung up on the so-called most powerful people in the galaxy?"

"Repeatedly," He nodded, continuing his list, "Deciding that diplomacy was the best course of action when faced with a pissed off Krogan on Virimire…driving the Mako through a mass relay…" The memories of that desperate race to Illos, of course led to others related to that mission that he hurriedly brushed aside, "Do you honestly need me to continue?"

"Actually," Garrus conceded, "You could have started and ended that list with your driving." He shifted his attention to Jack, "If he ever wants you to get into a vehicle that he's driving, for spirits' sake, make sure you have a decent supply of medi-gel on hand…and it wouldn't hurt to make sure your affairs are in order too."

Shepard lightly punched his friend in his armored shoulder, "My driving is not nearly that bad Vakarian."

Garrus chuckled, "Commander, the point of driving is to arrive at your destination safely. Not, and I'm quoting here 'see if I can make the laws of physics my bitch.' Nor would any sane driving instructor anywhere in this galaxy consider attempting to run over Geth Colossi to be defensive driving."

Jack's eyes actually widened at that point. " Damn Shepard, people think that I'm crazy." She glanced at Garrus, "And Cerberus really thinks that he's our best hope?"

"I guess desperate times really do call for desperate measures," Garrus joked.

Before Shepard could open his mouth to defend himself, or more importantly, his driving skills, the doors opened to the crew deck and Jack all but sprinted from the elevator with a parting mutter of something that sounded suspiciously like, "Fuck, I'd have been safer back in my cell."

Garrus stopped midstride, keeping the elevator doors from closing, "Coming Shepard? There remains the slim possibility that Gardner hasn't managed to poison all the food yet."

Robert smiled, though it didn't come close to reaching his eyes. "Maybe later; you know how it is, reports to file, decisions to make, a galaxy in need of saving…again."

Garrus nodded, "Hmmm…something I will never miss about C-Sec. Vigilantism was much, much easier. No rules, no regs, just do what's right." He paused, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, " When this whole thing is over, you know, provided we survive, maybe we ought to give that a try. Of course, you'll need a cooler codename than Commander Shepard if you're going to be Archangel's sidekick. I do have an image to maintain."

"Later Vakarian," he answered as the doors slid shut. Shepard pressed the button for the CIC and snorted derisively. "Sidekick? I've got your sidekick right here Garrus.". Still, the idea wasn't totally without merit. No rules, no regs to stand in the way of finally getting the gi…he slammed the door on that particular line of thought before he could fall back into the funk he'd been in on the shuttle. He had a mission to complete; whole colonies were being taken who knows where, though he suspected it wasn't for a tea party. They were counting on him to put a stop to it, there wasn't any time for personal drama.

The universe, it seemed, agreed for once, as the doors opened onto the CIC; the galaxy map spinning in its almost hypnotic way, luring him out to plot the course for the next mission. He'd almost made it too, when his musings were interrupted by a chipper greeting. "Commander," Yeoman Kelly Chambers acknowledged with a small smile and just the faintest hint of a blush, "The Illusive Man would like to speak with you."

Shepard sighed, his head dipping momentarily in defeat, "Of course he would." He cast a longing look back at the galaxy map before plastering a carefully neutral expression into place, "Guess I shouldn't keep the boss waiting, he'll dock my pay or sic Miranda on me or something even more devious than that…" He laughed bitterly as he turned to head for the comm center, only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," Kelly said softly, verdant eyes pleading silently for him to open up to her, " Commander…Robert, are you ok?" It wasn't hard to guess that the mission had gone far from perfectly, given the way the Collector's ship had left Horizon with hardly a scratch. The obvious scorch marks marring his armor were a clear indication that he'd lost shielding at some point and her heart nearly beat its way out of her chest as she realized just how close she'd come to losing him. "You can talk to me," she tried again, keeping her voice soft and hopefully, reassuring.

"I…I should go." He stated, refusing to meet the redheads eyes and gently shrugging her hand from his shoulder. Without another word, he headed towards the comm center, all too aware of the worried gaze upon him.

Fifteen minutes and one thoroughly infuriating conversation later, Shepard made his way to the Normandy's portside lounge, after a brief stop at his cabin to shed his armor. It had taken some doing, but he'd managed to find a plain white t-shirt and pair of black jeans that miraculously were unadorned by the Cerberus logo. Which meant at that moment, they were his favorite outfit; if any of the crew thought it was less than professional, that was their problem. The doors to the lounge slid open soundlessly at his approach and he only faltered a moment as he realized he wouldn't be alone at the bar.

"Shepard," Garrus greeted without turning his head as the other man settled onto the empty barstool, "Been waiting for you to get here." He indicated the empty shot glass beside an empty glass on the bar in front of the Commander. "Wasn't sure what you would be in the mood for," He explained, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "You know, we're on a suicide mission for a bunch of xenophobic assholes, but at least they have a decent selection. We've got Salarian branies, some Asari wine, Turian gin, and every university student's favorite, Ryncol."

Shepard allowed a small smile to cross his lips as he poured a shot of the brandy and quickly downed it, followed by another. "How'd you know I'd be coming?"

The former C-Sec officer took a shot of his own and answered, "Simple. A lifetime in C-Sec patrolling the lower wards, and the past two years on Omega; I know what a man who needs a drink looks like."

Robert nodded, taking another shot, the burn of the alcohol a nice compliment to the rage still burning within him since his talk with the Elusive Asshole; as he'd started to refer to their benefactor. "He knew Garrus, the fucker knew that Horizon was going to be hit, and still did nothing."

"That's cold," Garrus said evenly, "Even for Cerberus. I could see them pulling a stunt like that if it were alien colonies being hit, but they claim to be all for humanity. Yet they let a human colony get taken?" He paused, "You don't think that they knew that the other colonies would be hit too, do you?"

The spectre sighed, pouring another shot, "Probably why he let me know. He wants me so busy looking for hidden motives in every action, that I'll miss whatever the real goal is until it's too late to stop the bastard. Hell, for all I know he's got his fingers in the Alliance military command and made sure it would be Ash sent to Horizon just to screw with my head." He quickly downed the shot and slammed the glass back onto the bar.

"Death has mad you a cynical, cynical man Shepard," the turian teased, his mandibles flicking in amusement. He grabbed the bottle of brandy and filled his glass before filling Shepard's and nudging it into the spectre's hand. "Even if you're right, Robert, then the Illusive Man has made a huge mistake in having you recruit me for this mission. Shepard and Vakarian. We stopped Saren and his army of Geth, we told Sovereign to go fuck himself and had him blown to hell, and you know what? When his Reaper buddies get here, we'll do the same to them, because we're going to survive this suicide mission to be there, no matter what Mr. Illusive thinks." He raised his glass expectantly.

"Damn straight." Shepard agreed, lightly tapping his glass to his friend's, "Shepard and Vakarian, kicking ass and taking names…ridiculously pompous names. Sovereign? Harbinger? The Illusive Man? We'll take them all down a peg or two."

They drank to that and an all too brief companionable silence fell over the bar. "So, about Ashley…." Garrus began.

"Subtle Garrus, just, so, so subtle" Shepard smirked, taking another sip from his glass.

The turian eyed his friend carefully, suppressing a grin, and watching for the right moment to strike. "I thought it was. Joker suggested I broach the subject by saying 'bitches, huh?'"

Shepard choked on his drink, sputtering as he set the glass back on the bar and wiping at his mouth and nose. "Shit that burns." He exclaimed, eyes narrowing, "You planned that."

Garrus grinned, "Like you said, I'm just so subtle." He paused before continuing more seriously, "Look Shepard, I know what she said down there hurt, but you should know that she's hurting too. After the Normandy went down, well, inconsolable wouldn't be an exaggeration. She wouldn't even come to your funeral."

"There was a funeral?" he asked, pulled in against his better judgement.

The former C-Sec officer took another drink and sighed, "Nothing formal, no military honors or folded flags. The official story was that you were off on some hush-hush mission for the council. You were only officially listed as KIA after they got all they could out of using you as a recruitment tool."

Shepard snorted, rolling his eyes, "Let me guess, Udina's doing?"

Garrus chuckled, "You had to ask? Weaselly bastard. If you ask me, he's probably dirty…I mean moreso than most politicians." He paused, "Anyway, Wrex rented out Chora's Den and we held it there, I guess it was more a memorial service than a funeral."

Shepard set his glass down and turned to stare at his friend, eyes wide. "Please tell me you're kidding and you did not actually hold my memorial service in a strip club."

Garrus's mandibles pulled up in a turian smirk, "Of course we did. It ensured that there was damn near zero percent chance that the media would pick up on it. Besides, Wrex said it was a traditional Krogan send off for a hero, which required copious amounts of alcohol and he was the one footing the bill, so…."

Robert smirked, "According to Wrex, all Krogan traditions require copious amounts of alcohol. If a Krogan stubs his toe, he takes a shot."

Garrus chuckled, "There are worse traditions to have. Besides, we got Hackett and Anderson to attend as well; in civvies no less. Couldn't risk the scandal of two highly ranked Alliance officers in such a place." He placed his hand over his chest in mock shock, "I honestly don't know if they were more uncomfortable with the setting or being out of uniform." He took a long pull from his glass, "Totally worth it. Hell, Wrex wanted to invite your mother, so he could, and I'm quoting here 'meet the woman who gave birth to the toughest son of a bitch he'd ever met outside of Turchanka."

Shepard stilled, his glass halfway to his lips; his mind refusing to allow the words Chora's Den and Hannah Shepard to exist in the same thought. "If you tell me that she actually showed, I'm grabbing that bottle of Ryncol off the top shelf, and I'm going to start chugging. There are some things I just don't need to know or remember."

"As interesting as it would be to see you try to give yourself alcohol poisoning, no." came the all too amused answer, "Liara talked him out of it; explained the difference between human and Krogan mourning rituals or something."

Shepard sent a silent prayer of thanks to whatever deities would listen to the recently resurrected. "Guess that explains why Ash didn't want to go. She wasn't exactly a fan of the place when I was alive."

"Probably part of it," Garrus agreed. "After the service, Liara and I went to check on her. She'd rented this dingy little place in the lower wards while the Council and Alliance got things straightened out enough to give her new orders." He took a deep breath, " She was in a bad place Shep. I don't think she was even trying to sleep anymore, and there were more than a few empty bottles on the floor." He swirled his glass, staring into the amber liquid, "She confessed to us that she didn't go, because she wasn't sure that she could let you go." He took a drink, " I think Liara moved in with her that same night, whether Ashley wanted her there or not. She stayed until she was sure Ashely was actually going to be ok."

Shepard wasn't sure what it was he'd done in his past life to deserve such friends, but made a mental note to thank Liara the next time he saw her. It couldn't have been easy , given Ashley's stubborn streak and the not so subtle rivalry between the two on the original Normandy. "Huh, I die, and those two become best friends? Suddenly being brought back from the dead isn't the weirdest thing in the galaxy."

Garrus canted his head slightly, "That might be pushing it just a little." He hedged, "More like they developed a deeper mutual respect. Tali told me that she did manage to get them out for a couple of incredibly awkward girls' nights and a sleep over or two before she had to return to the migrant fleet." Silently cursing the brandy, he clapped his hand over his mouth, hoping against hope that Shepard would let that comment slide.

Robert quirked an eyebrow, turning on his barstool to consider his friend carefully; he wasn't sure that turians could blush, but he suspected that Garrus would be if he could. "So, you and Tali keep in touch, huh?" he grinned, " You'll be just thrilled to know that our wonderful boss thinks that she would make an excellent addition to the crew and wants us to recruit her."

Garrus carefully avoided his friend's gaze as he answered, " I'm not sure what it is you're implying Shepard, I'd be happy to see any of my old friends again." He cleared his throat, "Are you sure that we really need Tali for this mission? We've already got a fairly…competent…engineering team."

He nodded, "Yea, I'm sure she'll be a valuable asset to the team. Honestly, can you think of anywhere safer for her than where the mighty Commander Shepard and his trusty sidekick Archangel can watch her back? Geth, Collectors, Reapers, and anyone else out there should tremble at the mere thought of our wrath should any harm befall your lady fair."

"Aaaaannnddd, you're officially cut off." Garrus laughed as he grabbed what was left of the bottle of brandy and rose from his seat to return it to the shelf behind the bar. "Thanks Shepard," he said, turning serious as he offered his hand, "You know, for everything."

"Anytime pal," he said, shaking the offered hand, "Shepard and Vakarian, together again. Just like old times."

Garrus pulled his hand free to slap it over his eyes as he shook his head slowly, "You just had to jinx the whole damn thing, didn't you?" he joked, "I'm going to head on back to the main battery before you decide to ask 'what's the worst that could happen?', or something even more cliché. I've got a couple ideas kicking around about how we might get some more power out of the main guns. Could come in handy, but I need to work out the bugs first." He stepped from behind the bar and headed for the door, pausing as it slid open. "Oh, and Shepard? Two things: the Mighty Commander Shepard sucks as a code name; and two, you're the sidekick." With that, he walked through the door.

Hours later, and thankfully sober once more, Robert Shepard sat at the desk in his private cabin, studiously avoiding even trying to plan the next mission by focusing on trying to assemble the model of Sovereign he'd picked up when they'd last docked at the Citadel. "Oh come on, you stupid hunk of plastic!" He growled, once again attempting to force one of the legs into place. Every single time he thought that the glue would finally hold, the damn thing had fallen out again. "The actual Sovereign was less of a pain in my ass." Satisfied that perhaps this time the glue, and his luck, would hold; he carefully flipped the model over, only for the offending appendage to break free once more. "Ok that's it!" he snapped, hurling the model across the cabin to shatter against the wall beside his bed. "And let that be a lesson to the rest of you," he added with a glare at the models he'd successfully completed and hung.

A glance at the clock on his private terminal told him that it was well past midnight by shipboard time, and he weighed the need for actual sleep against starting another model. His musing was cut short by a faint tapping coming from his door. "Is that actual knocking?" he muttered; it wasn't as though he'd locked the cabin, and his crew was far from shy about coming to see him if they needed to talk. He keyed for the door to open to reveal Kelly Chambers, a hesitant expression on her face and a plate of cookies, of all things, in her hands. "Yeoman Chambers, this is certainly a surprise. Please come in."

"A pleasant one, I hope," she offered with a weak smile, some hidden worry dancing in her eyes. She stepped into the room, taking it in slowly as she set the plate of cookies on the desk. She'd had some idea of what to expect; the Illusive Man had had her consult with the design team for the SR2 as to what features might help Shepard to feel most at ease. In fact, it had been her suggestion to include a photo of Ashley Williams; a decision she was coming to regret the more she got to know Commander Robert Shepard herself, she carefully avoided looking at the photo as she turned to face him. "And please, it's Kelly. Especially when I'm off duty."

Shepard smiled, her outfit definitely said off duty; she'd swapped her uniform for a pair of dark blue sleep pants and an oversized white t-shirt that hung loosely on her petite frame, almost slipping off of her right shoulder. "Seeing as most surprises I encounter these days involve bullets, explosions, or some fun combination of the two, I'd say a visit from my favorite Yeoman qualifies as a wonderful surprise."

A faint blush colored the redhead's cheeks, "I wasn't sure," she admitted, "You didn't really seem like yourself earlier. I thought maybe I'd crossed the line using your name in the CIC…"

It took considerable effort for Shepard not to smack himself. "It wasn't you at all Kelly. And to be honest, I don't mind that you use my name, someone should. I mean, Garrus is my best friend and he still rarely uses my actual name." He sighed, "I…I just had kind of a rough time down on Horizon and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry." He glanced at the plate of cookies, "Especially so, since you apparently convinced Gardner to whip up a plate of poison in retaliation."

The blush spread, and when Kelly wouldn't meet his eyes, a ball of ice formed in the pit of Shepard's stomach. "Actually…"she stammered, " I made those…you know how some people eat when they're stressed? Well, I cook." She finally met his eyes again, "I was really worried about you."

Shepard groaned, dropping his head into his hands, "Of course. We have mass relays, space travel is an everyday occurrence, and apparently the ability to bring the dead back to life…and yet no one has managed to create a filter to keep me from putting my foot in my mouth. Just the perfect end to the perfect day."

Kelly stepped close and gently peeled his hands away from his face. "You didn't have any way of knowing." She gave his hands a soft squeeze before letting go and sitting on his desk beside the plate of cookies, swinging her legs idly. "Besides, it's nice to get a peek at the man behind the legend from time to time." She paused and picked up a cookie and offered it to him before grabbing one herself, "So, this perfect day of yours, do you want to talk about it? I got part of it from Garrus earlier, but my female intuition tells me I didn't get the whole story."

Shepard blinked, "You got information out of Vakarian? How'd you manage that?"

She smiled, "Just my natural charm, I guess…and I may have made him a batch of dextro-chocolate chip cookies." She shrugged, taking a bite of her cookie; the motion to causing the shirt to slip off of her shoulder.

In spite of himself, Shepard felt his lips pull back into a grin, "Great, Archangel's weaknesses are beautiful women and cookies." He rubbed at his chin thoughtfully, "You know, sell that information to the right person on Omega, and you could be a very wealthy woman." Realizing that the therapist wasn't going to let him put the discussion off forever, he took a bite of the cookie; holding the rest of it carefully in his teeth, he lifted the plate from the desk and motioned for her to follow him further into the cabin. He took a seat on the plush leather couch and set the plate next to him, and waited for her to take a seat. "For the record, your talents are wasted in the CIC Kelly, we could get rid of Gardner and have you take care of the cooking and have a much, much happier crew."

"That's sweet," she smiled, "You're stalling….but sweet."

"Damn, you caught on to that." He sighed, shaking his head slowly, "I'm guessing that Garrus told you that the mission didn't go exactly as planned?"

"His exact phasing was clusterfuck, but that may have been the alcohol talking. He seemed a little inebriated when we talked earlier." She replied. "I know we…well the ground team, couldn't save the whole colony, but almost half of Horizon owes their lives to your efforts, that's no small thing. What's more, you drove off the Collectors, up to now, no one has managed that; they can be beaten."

He nodded, "Eventually…maybe. That doesn't help the people they've taken now though, or their families." He sighed, reaching for another cookie. "There's more…I ran into Ashley Williams again while we were down there. She was my…."He trailed off, trying to find the right words. Given her concerns about fraternization, they'd never bothered to put a label on their relationship. Girlfriend sounded too juvenile after all they'd been through; lover made it sound like all they had between them was sex. "We were pretty close." He finished lamely, biting into the cookie and chewing slowly.

Given what Garrus had carefully not said when she'd spoken with him earlier, Kelly couldn't say that she was surprised by the revelation. "That couldn't have been easy for you." She offered casually, "Do…do you still have strong feelings for her?" She busied herself with selecting a cookie, carefully avoiding his eyes.

"Yes? No?" he ran a hand through his close cropped hair in frustration. "I don't know what to feel actually. When I first saw her…saw that they hadn't taken her…it was almost like old times again, but clearly she doesn't feel that way about me anymore." He laughed bitterly, "She told me that she loved me. Past tense. You know what the real kicker is? We never got around to using the "l" word when I was alive…well…the first time. I always figured we were headed in that direction, but we had to sneak around for the sake of our careers, and then I died. Now it's two years later, she's had to have moved on right? It's only natural; it's not like she had have known that I'd be coming back from the dead."

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." Kelly muttered softly, trying to squash the wave of jealousy rising inside her.

"What was that? I didn't quite catch it." He asked.

She smiled brightly, the fake, professional smile she used when counselling, "Just something from an old vid I loved when I was growing up," she answered quickly. "The situation just made me think of it." She paused, forcing the next words past her lips, "I wouldn't be certain that she's moved on. Yes, it's been two years, but you're a pretty great guy. It'd be hard to find someone who could measure up; even if you ignore the whole hero of the Citadel thing, guys like you…they're pretty rare." She looked down, ignoring the burning in her cheeks.

Robert smiled, thankful that her attention had been directed elsewhere; it meant she wouldn't see him blush; she did it much more prettily than he did. "That's very kind of you Kelly," he stated, reaching out and taking her left hand in his right, "But I'm not hero. Heroes save the day…they get the gi…they get the job done." He amended.

Kelly once more had to fight back a wave of jealousy as she completed the sentence that Shepard wouldn't. She considered it a good sign though, that he hadn't moved his hand from hers; glancing from their joined hands to his eyes, she could see him falling back into the dark mood he'd been in earlier. "I don't know about that," she teased, "You already have the shining armor, all we need is to get you a horse." She inclined her head towards the open armor locker where a hint of silver armor with a touch of crimson could be seen peeking out.

Robert laughed in spite of himself, feeling the tension building between his shoulders start to ease. "You know, it would almost be worth to trying to find one just to see the look on the Illusive Man's face when he got that expense report." He admitted, "There are just a couple of problems though; the first being that I can't even keep fish alive." He waved at the currently empty fish tanks along the opposite wall with his free hand to emphasize his point. "I doubt that a horse would fare much better. The second issue is that I can't ride."

Kelly grinned, "You know, a horse is a little harder to forget about; though if you decide to get more fish sometime, I'd be happy to feed them for you."

"I'll think about it." He paused, "Thanks, Kelly."

"As for the not knowing how to ride," the yeoman offered, a glint of mischief sparkling in her eyes, "You could always ask Ms. Lawson for help. With her upbringing, I'm sure that she knows at least the basics." She paused, "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a riding crop on board."

He was about to ask just what she knew about Miranda's past when the full impact of the seeming innocuous comment slammed into him and he stared, open mouthed for a moment. "Ok," he started once his brain began working again, "That is an image that I really did not need."

The redhead tossed a smirk his way, clearly enjoying seeing him flustered, "Why not? It's far from the worst image."

Shepard smiled ruefully, "That's not the point Kelly." He gently squeezed her hand to show that he wasn't upset, "I'd like to be able to actually look her in the eyes without blushing. And then, there's the little matter of the AI who is likely monitoring everything we're saying for a report, which Miranda undoubtedly will see."

"It is kind of hard to maintain eye contact with her sometimes, isn't it?" Kelly winked, " Especially with those formfitting catsuits she's so fond of. As for EDI making a report about this? She wouldn't do that, she's a sweetheart. Isn't that right?" She directed the question towards the ceiling of the cabin.

"I do not believe the endearment can be accurately applied to me, Yeoman Chambers." Came the reply, "It is, however, appreciated." A brief pause followed, "As to Commander Shepard's concerns that this conversation would necessitate a report for Operative Lawson, there is no indication of anything that would endanger the mission, therefore, there is no need for the details to be reported."

"Thank you EDI." Shepard stated; he was still getting used to having conversations with the disembodied voice. It…she was growing on him, though, he was beginning to think of her as less a simple AI, and more part of the crew.

"You are welcome, Shepard." Edi replied, "As for Yeoman Chambers' supposition that Operative Lawson is currently in possession of a riding crop on the ship, I have reviewed all relevant surveillance footage, and have found no indication that this is the case." There was a brief pause, "She does, however, possess a pair of handcuffs that are adorned with a pinks material. The best descriptor for the material would be…fuzzy." Another pause. "That was a joke."

Shepard and Kelly shared a look before breaking down in a fit of laughter, leaning back into the couch and almost falling on each other. "Ok, EDI, you got us with that one.," Kelly admitted once she caught her breath, "It was a pretty good joke."

"Thank you Yeoman Chambers," EDI stated, "Is there anything else that either you or Commander Shepard require?"

"No thank you EDI," Shepard answered.

"Logging you out, Shepard," EDI acknowledged.

The movement of Kelly trying to hide a yawn behind her hand caught Shepard's attention out of the corner of his eye and he turned his head slightly, "And on that note, I think we should go to bed." The moment the words left his mouth, he could feel a blush begin to creep up his neck. "By which I mean that we should go to our separate beds." He hurriedly amended, realizing just how close they were at the moment. Careful to not knock over what was left of the plate of cookies, he rose and offered her a hand up.

"But your couch is so comfy," She mock complained, taking the offered hand and standing, " We could just sleep there. Though, without a blanket, we might need find some way to keep each other warm." She smiled, noting the blush that had crept onto his cheeks. She had no definitive knowledge as to whether or not Ashley Williams had moved on following Shepard's reported death, but it seemed that Robert Shepard was starting to realize that that choice was in front of him as well. It was definitely something that would bear further investigation; fortunately, their mission was just really getting under way, she'd have plenty of time.

They walked together to the cabin door, which slid open at their approach. "Thanks for coming to check up on me Kelly." He said, "This was fun. We should do it again sometime; maybe if you find a copy of that vid you mentioned we could have a movie night. I'll provide the snacks." He let go if her hand and smiled cheerfully.

"As you wish, Shepard." She replied, hesitating a moment before rising onto her tiptoes and kissing his cheek just below the long line of a healing scar. "As you wish." Without another word, she strode to the elevator and entered as the doors parted. Just before they slid shut once more, she smirked mischievously, "Oh, and Robert? I do have a pair of handcuffs in my quarters. Sweet dreams." The stunned expression the remark evoked almost had her breaking down in laughter once again.

Shepard stood in his doorway for a moment, staring at the closed doors of the elevator. "Oh, no, my life's not too complicated," he muttered, bringing his hand up to touch his cheek. He had to ignore the urge to drop by the main battery to see if Garrus was still awake, and if so, drag him back to the lounge to try and figure out just what was going on with Kelly. Cerberus had poured an obscene amount of credits into bringing him back to life; it'd be a shame to have that wasted by destroying his brand new liver. Instead, he went back into the cabin and took a seat in front of his terminal, toying with the idea of actually investigating just how much it would cost to have a horse delivered to the ship, when he noticed that he had a new e-mail. Opening the program, he selected the message with "Hey there" as the subject line and quickly read it. Then he read it two more times, letting the words sink in, before he dropped his head onto the desk with a low groan. For the first time since Cerberus had brought him back, the slim chance of success actually felt like a blessing. Collectors? Impending Reaper invasion? Those he could handle; women, he would never understand.


End file.
